Frienemies, Bosses and Boyfriends – 6 Signs Its Time To Dump Them
The term “Frienemy” is used so much, it was recently added to Websters dictionary as a real word. Notice the word enemy in its entirety. That means, this person is not to be trusted, even if you trusted them in the past. There is a reason someone coined the term, they had backstabbers they continued to trust.
At some point in our lives we’ve all fallen victim to being the topic of the office gossip, the jealous friend backstabbing us or the target of the mean girl mentality. You have a so-called friend who you discover is trash talking you behind your back or worse. But she’s really fun to hang out with and she knows a ton of people. That will help you social life, right? No! He wants to hang out, he’s just super busy all the time. No! That’s the denial talking.
Don’t make excuses for a person who says things to others about you that they would never say to your face. This includes ONLINE. Today we’ll look at 6 signs you need to dump someone from your life even if it’s a friend, boss or boyfriend.
- Trash Talking. Word has gotten back to you that someone has or continues to trash talk you. This could be a sign of many things, but the bottom line is, assuming the rumor is true (and you should investigate it), you are dealing with someone who does not respect you. Someone who holds you in high regards will say little to discredit you or to point out flaws. A real friend will say nothing or defend you if someone else is trash talking you. Co-workers may discredit your work or even lie to get ahead in front of the boss. Take everything as a rumor until you can verify the real truth. Then, you can make an informed decision on how to deal with them. Usually, distance is the best policy.
- Lying. A person who tells lies to you or about you is not to be trusted. You may not realize it at first, but once you do, don’t make excuses for them. It may be someone taking credit for your ideas at work, a person trying to drive a wedge between you and another, whatever the situation, evaluate the lie itself and then the frequency. One time could be someone trying to spare feelings or get out of trouble. Once you decide whether the lie is a string of lies or this person does it regularly to manipulate people, you know that is a character issue and not an isolated incident. A person who constantly lies to their parents, spouse or boss, is usually lying to you too. Regardless of the reason, it is wrong and it will only cause problems for both of you.
Read our related post “Do You Trust Too Much, How to Keep From Getting Burned” here
- Airing Dirty Laundry. Have you ever shared something with someone “in confidence”? Chances are you have shared a secret or a private thought with someone who you thought would understand and listen. If you have made it clear that the conversation is in confidence and that you don’t want it repeated, that should be respected. If you find out that person blabbed your story to someone else, or even posted it online, its a sure sign you cannot trust them. It indicates they have no respect for your feelings, or the consequences their actions may have on you. Even if you are no longer friends with them, any upstanding person with a strong moral compass would still keep your secrets.
- Shaming. There is so much of this in the world. Don’t allow anyone to shame you about anything. Be it your weight, financial situation, job position or anything. There’s a difference in light hearted ribbing and teasing, and outright shaming someone. Nobody wants to feel bad about themselves for anything. We all know our own flaws and we don’t need them pointed out by others. Especially publicly. When someone tries to make you feel inferior about something you have or don’t have, or about how you look, you need to seriously consider distancing yourself from them. Don’t allow them to engage you on social media about it either. So many people use the screen to cyber bully someone. Don’t engage in the behavior, even to defend yourself. Simply cut all ties and dump them.
- Breaking Commitments. You have that really cool friend you like to hang out with. But it never fails, when it comes time for your plans, something comes up and they ditch you plans. This is the sign of someone who doesn’t respect you or your time. This impulsive type of person will take “a better offer” rather than uphold their original commitments. They don’t care about others at all, they only do what is the most fun, pleasing or beneficial for themselves. Stay away from the types with an All About Me attitude. You’ll only get burned and taken advantage of.
- Being Second Fiddle. This goes hand in hand with the commitment issue. If you are always the second or third choice to hang out with or to work on a project, you’re not being valued the way you should be. Life happens and things don’t always work out in our favor, but some people only call, text or want to hang out when all their other plans have fallen apart. If you are the one who gets this treatment, you need to re-evaluate your relationship with that person, especially if it is a romantic partner. This is serious trouble for a couple, and not so great for friends either. You should be the first person someone wants to go to dinner with or have work on an important work issue, at least some of the time. If it becomes a habit to them, you need to dump them.
This may sound like I’m being hard people. I am. You are worth better friends and bosses than that. None of these things in one instance is a valid reason for terminating a relationship or job, but if a number of these things occur frequently it does reveal a pattern. Or if the same issue is an recurring pattern of behavior for someone, it is in their character. You can’t change people. They must change themselves, and people usually don’t do it for other people, it is usually a selfish reason if they do decide to change their ways. However, if a person is generally hateful, negative or dismissive toward you, or they just don’t seem interested unless it benefits them, you have a problem. Many of us don’t see it because we are too close to the problem, or we simply make excuses for someone’s behavior because we happen to like everything else about them. If this is you, think long and hard over the way the negatives make you feel and how it affects your emotional well-being. A good paying job may not be worth the physical and emotional toll it takes on you if you are constantly feeling these things from a boss or coworker.
Think about it, do you have someone you need to dump?